I’ve had the pleasure to re-read Harry Potter and would frequently find myself hollering at J.K. Rowling’s witty writing. Often, it would be about some of Harry’s thoughts, sometimes just comical things the characters would do. Here a compilation of my favourites in random order.
1. Lee’s Jordan commenting the Quidditch matches were always such a treat to read
“‘And the Quaffle is taken immediately by Angelina Johnson of Gryffindor – what an excellent Chaser that girl is, and rather attractive, too -’
JORDAN!’
’Sorry, Professor’” (HP1, Quidditch)
“’And it’s Johnson – Johnson with the Quaffle, what a player that girl is, I’ve been saying it for years but she still won’t go out with me -’
’JORDAN!’ yelled Professor McGonagall.” (HP4, The Lion And The Serpent)
2. Harry calling Hagrid “Sir”
“’I’m a teacher!’ he roared at Harry. ‘A teacher, Potter! How dare yeh threaten ter break down my door!’
‘I’m sorry, sir’ said Harry, emphasizing the last word as he stowed his wand inside his robes. Hagrid looked stunned.
‘Since when have yeh called me “sir”?’
‘Since when have you called me “Potter”?’ (HP6, Hermione’s Helping Hand)
3. Professor McGonagall losing her hat (and her sh*t) during a Quidditch match
“’YOU FILTHY, CHEATING B-’
Professor McGonagall didn’t even bother to tell him off. She was actually shaking her fist in Malfoy’s direction; her hat had fallen off, and she too, was shouting furiously.” (HP3, The Quidditch Final)
4. Harry’s Head in Hogsmead
“’Mr Malfoy states that he was standing talking to Weasley, when a large amount of mud hit him on the back of the head. How do you think that could have happened?’
Harry tried to look mildly surprised.
‘I don’t know, Professor.’
Snape’s eyes were boring into Harry’s. It was exactly like trying to stare out a Hippogriff. Harry tried hard not to blink.
’Mr Malfoy then saw an extraordinary apparition. Can you imagine what it might have been, Potter?’
‘No’ said Harry, now trying to sound innocently curious.
‘It was your head, Potter. Floating in mid-air.’
There was a long silence.
‘Maybe he’d better go to Madam Pomfrey’, said Harry. ‘If he’s seeing things like -’
‘What would your head have been doing in Hogsmead, Potter?’ said Snape softly. ‘Your head is not allowed in Hogsmead. No part of your body has permission to be in Hogsmead.’” (HP3, Snape’s Grudge)
5. Peeves watering everyone in the Hall after being forbidden to attend the feast
“’You’re lucky there is even a feast tonight, you know’, said Nearly Headless Nick. ‘There was trouble in the kitchen earlier.’
’Why? Wha’ appened?’ said Harry, through a sizeable chunk of steak.
‘Peeves, of course,’ said Nearly Headless Nick, shaking his head, which wobbled dangerously. He pulled his ruff a little higher up his neck. ‘The usual argument, you know. He wanted to attend the feast – well, it’s quite out of the question, you know what he’s like, utterly uncivilized, can’t see a plate of food without throwing it. […]
’So what did he do in the kitchens?’
’Oh the usual,’ said Nearly Headless Nick, shrugging. ‘Wreaked havoc and mayhem. Pots and pans everywhere. Place swimming in soup. Terrified the house-elves out of their wits -’ (HP4, The Triwizard Tournament)
6. Harry trying to jump of his World Cup box to impress the Veela
“The Veela had started to dance and Harry’s mind had gone completely and blissfully blank. All that mattered in the World was that he kept watching the Veela, because if they stopped dancing, terrible things would happen… And as the Veela danced faster and faster, wild, half-formed thoughts started chasing through Harry’s dazed mind. He wanted to do something very impressive, right now. Jumping from the box into the stadium seemed a good idea… but would it be good enough?
’Harry, what are you doing?’ said Hermione’s voice from a long way off.
The music stopped. Harry blinked. He was standing up, and one of his leg was resting on the wall of the box.” (HP4, The Quidditch World Cup)
7. The Bulgarian Minister faking to not understand English
“’Vell, ve fought bravely’, said a gloomy voice behind Harry. He looked around; it was the Bulgarian Minister for Magic.
’You can speak english!’ said Fudge, sounding outraged. ‘And you’ve been letting me mime everything all day!’
’Vel, it vos very funny’, said the Bulgarian Minister, shrugging’” (HP4, The Quidditch World Cup)
8. Harry getting the ick of Ron’s too short pajamas
“… he hated everything about Ron, right down to the several inches of bare ankle showing beneath his pajama trousers.” (HP4, The Hungarian Horntail)
9. Harry being sassy to Rita Skeeter
“‘Yeah, you can have a word’, said Harry savagely. ‘Goodbye.’” (HP4, The First Task).
“‘Trying to ruin someone else’s life?’ said Harry loudly. A few people looked around. Rita’s Skeeter’s eyes widened behind her jewelled spectacles as she saw who had spoken.” (HP4, Rita Skeeter’s Scoop)
10. How the teachers behaved towards Harry when his interview about Umbridge came out in the Quibbler, but no one was allowed to mention it
“The teachers were of course forbidden from mentioning the interview by Educational Decree Number Twenty-six, but they found ways to express their feelings about it all the same. Professor Sprout awarded Gryffindor twenty points when Harry passed her a watering can; a beaming Professor Flitwick pressed a box of squeaking sugar mice on him at the end of Charms, said, ‘Shh!’ and hurried away; and Professor Trelawney broke into hysterical sobs during Divination and announced to a startled class, and a very disapproving Umbridge, that Harry was not going to suffer an early death after all, but we live to a ripe old age, become Minister for magic and have twelve children.” (HP5, Seen And Unforeseen)
11. Harry ‘s weird dreams
“He dreamed that Neville and Professor Sprout were waltzing around the Room of Requirement while Professor McGonagall played the bagpipes. He watched them happily for a while, then decided to go find the other members of the DA” (HP5, Seen And Unforeseen)
14. Harry’s love for House Elves
“’So that’s an house-elf?’ Ron muttered. ‘Weird things aren’t they?’
’Dobby was weirder’, said Harry, fervently. “ (HP4, The Quidditch World Cup)
15. Moaning Myrtle zooming in a pipe full of…
“’I sometimes go down there…sometimes don’t have any choice, if someone flushes my toilet when I’m not expecting it…’ Trying not to think about Moaning Myrtle zooming down a pipe to the lake with the contents of a toilet, Harry said…” (HP4, The Egg And The Eye)
16. Harry’s tact with girls
“’Oh yes, I forgot – of course, it was darling Hermione’s idea -’
‘Don’t start crying again,’ said Harry warningly.
’I wasn’t going to !’ she shouted
’Yeah… well… good,’ he said. ’I’ve got enough to cope with at the moment.’” (HP5, Snape’s Worst Memory)
17. Luna commenting the Quidditch match
“Harry stared down at the commentators’ podium. Surely, nobody in their right mind would have let Luna Lovegood commentate? But even from above there was no mistaking that long, dirty-blonde hair, or the necklace of Butterbeer corks… Beside Luna, Professor McGonagall was looking slightly uncomfortable, as though she was indeed having second thoughts about this appointment.” (HP6, Elf Tails)
18. Harry imagining Ginny confessing her feelings after a Quidditch injury
“’Ginny came in to visit while you were unconscious,’ he said, after a long pause, and Harry’s imagination zoomed into overdrive, rapidly constructing a scene in which Ginny, weeping over his lifeless form, confessed her feelings of deep attraction to him while Ron gave them his blessing…” (HP6, Elf Tails)
19. Harry and the Dursley
“’Listening to the news! Again?’
‘Well, it changes every day, you see’, said Harry” (HP4, Dudley Demented)
“’We’re not stupid, you know,’ said Uncle Vernon.
‘Well, that’s news to me,’ said Harry” (HP4, Dudley Demented)
20. The very normal Ford Anglia
“Mrs Weasley dashed about in a bad mood looking for spare socks and quills, people kept colliding on the stairs, half dressed with bits of toast in their hands and Mr Weasley nearly broke his neck, tripping over a stray chicken as he crossed the yard carrying Ginny’s trunk to the car. Harry couldn’t see how eight people, six large trunks, two owls and a rat were going to fit into one small Ford Anglia. He had reckoned, of course, without the special features which Mr Weasley had added.
‘Not word to Molly’, he whispered to Harry as he opened the boot and showed him how it had been magically expanded so that the trunks fitted easily.
When at least they were all in the car, Mrs Weasley glanced into the back seat, where Harry, Ron, Fred, George and Percy were all sitting comfortably side by side, and said, ‘Muggles do know more than we give them credit for, don’t they?’ She and Ginny got into the front seat, which had been stretched so that it resembled a park bench. ‘I mean, you’d never know it was this roomy from outside, would you?’” (HP2, The Whomping Willow)
21. … And that same car ride when they had to go back three times.
“Mr Weasley started up the engine and they trundled out of the yard, Harry turning back for a last look at the house. He barely had time to wonder when he’d see it again when they were back: George had forgotten his box or Filibuster fireworks. Five minutes after that, they skidded to a halt in the yard so that Fred could run in for his broomstick. They had almost reached the motorway when Ginny shrieked that she had left her diary (HP2, The Whomping Willow)
And finally, a special mention to Harry hiding cakes in his room while Dudley is on a diet (HP4, The Invitation), and Ginny sending a dwarf sing Harry a song for Valentine’s day (HP2 The Very Secret Diary).
Chapter 26
Chapter 26 
Leave a comment