Chapter 26

Picture from Mathew Henry on Unsplash

Four years deep into a TikTok addiction has fried my brain.

I used to read newspapers and magazines, listen to the radio, learn things, and educate myself. I used to be so curious about everything and was always so eager to learn.

I realized today that I have lost this curiosity. Worse, I have lost the ability to consume content that requires any mental effort. I do not have the patience anymore to read a 15 minutes article, or listen to an educative YouTube video. I do not care about anything that can’t be communicated into a 20 seconds format. And when in the past I used to be exposed to all types of information (news, culture, science), I realize now that I am only exposed to what my algorithm thinks I will relate to.

Before TikTok, watching a serie, watching YouTube, or playing video games was the “too much screentime” thing. Damn, I now wish I had enough attention span to read a blog or get lost on YouTube.

Of course, I have deleted TikTok countless times, but would always fall back into the trap of redownloading it. Sometimes during moments of weakness when I needed some comfort, sometimes when I thought I would be strong enough to limit it to 20 minutes.

I deleted it again this week (hopefully for good), and here’s what happened:

1- I switched to whatever other short content social media there was

Unconsciously, I just went straight for Instagram reels. Frustrated and determined to end my addiction for good, I deleted Instagram. Only to find myself deep into YouTube reels and our good old Facebook that I barely visit anymore, an hour later.

These two are also gone from my phone now.

2- I would constantly get the impulse to grab my phone

I would answer an email. Grab my phone. Make a cup of coffee. Grab my phone. Read one page of a book. Grab my phone. And since TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook where now nowhere to be found. I would just stare at my screen, not knowing what to do with myself, just feeling a need, an uncomfortable impulse that could not be satisfied. And the only solution would be to switch my attention back to what I was doing. (I just tried to grab my phone again right now).

3- I didn’t know what to do with myself

That’s how I noticed that TikTok used to be a distraction in-between the tasks of my day. I would finish doing something, and would scroll a bit until the motivation to start something new would come, just to sooth my mind a bit.

I now find myself obliged to either stare in the void in a meditative state, or just start a new task.

How normal though. Yet how uncomfortable it feels.

4- I started getting more stuff done

All you have read right now have been written in one setting, a miracle that would not have been possible a few days ago. I did feel the impulse to stop. But to do what? Whenever I would feel the familiar impulse to grab my phone, I would just go back to writing this article. And when I’m done, I’ll go on a walk. And then I’ll read a book. And then I’ll watch a movie without any phone break.

I am fully accountable for letting myself deep into a TikTok addiction. But what TikTok, and whatever apps (Facebook, Youtube, Instagram) that followed that model do to our brain is not normal. It’s making us lazy, unfocused, and gullible.

I don’t wish for TikTok to be banned. I am grateful for the mental health content I had access to, for the inspiration I got from it, and for keeping us connected to each other. There is more truth on some international issues the world is facing on TikTok than in the newspapers. I just wish TikTok, and other apps would not put our brains at risk so much for their best interests, and would put on more limits to protect us.

Moreover, I’ll add that TikTok implementing a setting where users can set a time limit and enter a code if they want to keep watching is a joke. There is enough research in social psychology and behavioural science to tell that a four digits code will stop no one from consuming more content.

Chapter 26.